I think I am the most criticised President in the
whole world, but I want to tell this audience
that before I leave, I will be the most praised
President," said President Goodluck Jonathan
at the opening of the 52nd Annual General
Meeting of the Nigerian Bar Association at the International Conference Centre in Abuja. Hey guys, I guess you know that pointing fingers is
not my style, hahaha, just as I know that it will be
difficult to find a single Nigerian who hasn't pointed
fingers at President Goodluck Jonathan since he
became President. But really, can so many fingers be
pointed at a single individual all at the same time? Some people have gone to the extent of saying that
since Jonathan took office, everything has gone to
hell in a handbasket. Others have held him
responsible for everything that has gone wrong in
the country, from the tear in their pants to the
economy. Trust me: Nigerians are beginning to agree that when it comes to assigning blame, look to
Jonathan first. There are some hardliners who
don't care if Jonathan wasn't President during the
civil war. He must have been thinking about it, and
that's good enough reason for them. They even say
that if he hadn't been sticking his nose into government, the civil war wouldn't have
happened. Funny, Nigerians have found the perfect
target for dealing with their bad days. Late to work?
Blame Jonathan! Did the soup in the fridge melt when
you weren't looking? It's Goodluck Jonathan.
Can't find your smelling socks? Jonathan! Your baby pees on the chair, again? Jonathan. The possibilities
are endless! Hey, are we not just being unfair to
Goodluck Jonathan? We blame him for all and
everything. Even for things that are not his fault. Let
me ask you something sir or madam, if Jonathan is to
blame for everything wrong in Nigeria today, what becomes of the previous presidents under whose
regimes most of these problems started? On Tuesday evening on my way back from NTA, I
stopped at the Bar Beach to buy suya. I was a little bit
early because I met the aboki lighting his charcoal.
As I waited, I saw two weird looking rastas looking
like archangels Michael and Gabriel in their white
Cele garments walk down to just about five yards from the water, raised their holy robes in unison like
atilogwu dancers trying to master a new dance
routine and bent down and began to defecate.
Couples of minutes later, I heard them walking back
complaining of how dirty and smelly the beach had
become from what it used to be. As they passed by me, the taller one said "omo naija, presido no dey
try at all. See as this place don yamayama finish, dem no dey
see as those oyinbo beach be for inside film wey we
dey watch?" At that point, I couldn't hold back my
anger. I just had to say something: "Shebi na una
just shit finish for that place so? And una get mouth
dey blame the president. Una see him shit for there?" We are having a distant relationship with the truth in
this country. We have developed that rare ability to
be hypocritical and not so much as give a damn
whether we are equally guilty of the things we are
blaming on others. In truth, Goodluck Jonathan should
roll up his sleeves, spit on his palms and get to work on a lot of things. We keep saying that corruption
escalated under his regime but why do we keep
failing to associate it with the fact that these corrupt
individuals are Nigerians? I listened to some custom
officers saying that If it wasn't for Goodluck
Jonathan's backward policies, everything at the Nigerian borders would be perfect. Yes, let us keep dumping everything on Goodluck
Jonathan. Even our own responsibilities as citizens.
He's the reason our custom and police officers are
more interested in collecting bribes than fighting
crime and checking for contraband goods coming
into the country. It is also Jonathan's fault that the security operatives at the Lagos airport have all
turned beggars. Should the president also take the
rap for the Director-General of the Standards
Organisation of Nigeria not being able to see that the
nation is littered with fake products? Maybe Goodluck Jonathan should be with him daily
and point him towards fake products and
manufacturers. The fight to save this country does
not begin or stop at Janathan's table. It must be an
all Nigerian battle. Let the pastors stop praying for
corrupt politicians and tell them to their faces to stop stealing public funds. If all drivers have their
complete vehicle papers and obey traffic laws, there
will be no need to give out money to the police and
we will be on our way to a better society.
Ask yourself where your governor got the billions he
spends on frivolities? People in the rural areas of Akwa Ibom state are living in thatched houses and
we are building another stadium? Have you tried
asking what the Abia State Government did with the
state's allocation for eight years? Do you think
President Jonathan will be allowed a minute of sleep
if he failed to remit monies due to the states? So why then do we pour all the blames on him? Your governor owns empty estates in Dubai and
factories in South Africa when people of their states
are homeless and jobless, is that Jonathan's fault
too? Where did we get the preposterous notion that
President Jonathan took office and people started
having trouble finding jobs? Did we have a zero unemployment rate in the country before President
Jonathan? Millions of Nigerians are working their
asses out and dying as contract staffs and casual
workers, where is the NLC? Is it not aware of the appalling working conditions
Nigerian workers are subjected to by multinationals?
Of course, it is all Jonathan's fault. Last time I
checked, Jonathan was a president or a magician.
Should he be doing the job of the NLC too, supervising
every sector of the country at the same time? Let us be truthful to ourselves, since when have we had
good roads in this country? Were there roads in the
country that Jonathan destroyed? Have we had
electricity in the country before President Jonathan?
We say Boko Haram started as a result of poverty
and lack of education in the North, were there schools in the North that Jonathan destroyed? Trust
me, the architects of Boko Haram know what
they're talking about when they say it is all
Jonathan's fault. For everyone out there, below are a list of things
Goodluck Jonathan is yet to be blamed for, so go
ahead and make your pick and let the blame game
continue: Cancer, AIDS, racism, air pollution, sin, child
porn, human meat at Jankara market, home video,
obesity, Drake sleeping with everyone's chic, Kim Kardashian's nude picture, tribalism and every
other kind of ism, Arsenal's trophyless seasons,
Facebook, Twitter and Wizkid's last album.
Etcetera is a Nigerian alternative music artiste. He is
also a columnist for Punch Newspapers where
this article was first published.
