Paul and Tunrayo Alagbe were
married on September 3, 1998 and
had their first child on December 29,
2014. RITA OKONOBOH chronicles the
couple's journey through the years of
trials to the unfolding of boundless blessings. I waited patiently for the LORD; he
turned to me and heard my cry. He
lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the
mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand. He
put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and
fear the LORD and put their trust in him
(Psalm 40: 1-3).
The above Psalm verses aptly describe
Mrs Tunrayo Alagbe's testimony of the
Lord's goodness as she finally gave birth to a daughter at a few months
shy of 60 years of age.
It was a sunny afternoon on Monday,
January 5, 2015, and the atmosphere
was radiantly purpled by the stylish
outfits of many who had come to witness the naming ceremony of the
lovely daughter of the Alagbes. The
crowd was surprisingly large, even for
the African setting, as many braced the
burning rays beating down on the
premises of the Women Missionary Union (WMU) headquarters of the
Nigerian Baptist Convention (NBC),
Total Garden area, Ibadan, just to
show their solidarity with the couple.
As the President of the NBC, Reverend
Dr Supo Ayokunle, affirmed during his address at the naming ceremony,
"This child has, from the beginning,
started breaking records. I have never
seen a naming ceremony that
attracted this kind of crowd. Also, no
naming ceremony has been conducted on the premises before
now. This goes to show that God can
do anything, anytime, anywhere and
anyhow, pleasantly, for his own
people. For those who wait upon God,
it is never over until it is over. This is an occasion for us to understand that
God's ways are not our ways."
The Retired Executive Director, Women
Missionary Union, Nigeria, and a close
friend of the family who anchored the
naming of the baby, Reverend Mrs Yemi Ladokun, took the audience
through the time of waiting. She
showed to the crowd some flowers
from the bouquet used during the
wedding and stated that she had kept
the flowers thinking she would use them during the year after the
wedding during the naming ceremony
of a child but she was wrong as she
had to wait for almost 17 years.
The child was given close to 40 names
including, Halleluyah, Testimony, Esther, Jesulayomi, Ileri-Ayo-Mi,
OkikiJesu, Adepate, Oluwatoyin,
Omoronike, Ibiyemi, Oluremi,
Motunrayo, Mo-F'Oluwa-ke, Aderonke,
Odunola, Eri-Ipe, Ewa-Iyin, Itan-iyanu-
ife, IturaOluwa, Favour, Oluwadamilare, Titilayomi-niwaju-
Oluwa, among other significant names.
'A childless woman has no honour, no
respect, no place'
Speaking with Sunday Tribune on the
experience during the years of anxiety, Mrs Alagbe noted that the
many years of worrying, coupled with
the delay before marriage, contributed
to making the experience quite
worrying. According to her, "I
wouldn't say we were not worried, but God was comforting and
encouraging us. It was not a pleasant
experience at all. We experienced
delay before marriage but this one
was more excruciating. However, God
sustained us." On the most nagging worry during the
times of trial, the couple notes that the
African tendency to look down on a
childless couple was a constant source
of concern. According to the mother,
"In Africa, having children is very important. If you're married and
childless, it's like you have no honour,
no respect, no place. You're nobody,
so to speak."
The father, Paul Alagbe, further stated
that "She would sometimes say if she had known that it would be like this,
she would not marry me as it seems
like she is a problem to me." His wife
affirmed this by stating that "Medically,
I was told he has no problem, but I
was the one whose fallopian tubes were blocked. I felt like I was a
burden to him, like I shouldn't have
come his way and instead allowed him
to live his life."
'Childlessness does not mean you are
married to the wrong person' The president of the NBC, Reverend
Ayokunle, who spoke on challenges
and godly responses noted that
nobility and godliness does not
immune an individual from trials.
According to him, "Childlessness is not a modern-day challenge. The fact that
your family is childless does not mean
you are married to the wrong person.
Some couples who do not have the
problem of childlessness have other
problems. Would you rather exchange childlessness for blindness, for
instance? A problem is a problem but
God is always there."
On her general outlook during the
period of not knowing how things
would turn out, Mrs Alagbe, whom many describe as cheerful, warm and
always ready with a smile, narrated "I
kept hoping. I cherished my personal
relationship with God because I know
that the day you die, this issue of
having children no longer has meaning. So, I was jealously guarding
my personal relationship with God,
especially in relation to eternity. I tried
to enjoy other things God has blessed
me with. Although, I was often
disturbed by that one thing he had not done, I tried to enjoy what he has
done and in my own little way, I
served him, hoping He will do it. I
thought that if He doesn't do it, He
knows why and knows how to
sustain me. That's also why I didn't visit all sort of places because I know
that if I eventually get a child from the
wrong source and I end up in hell,
what use will it be? Besides, God
encouraged me that He will do it and I
trusted in His promise." 'There was pressure on me as the only
surviving male to have a child'
Her husband, Mr Alagbe, was not also
without his own troubles. According
to him, he was constantly reminded
about the need to take the alternative option by getting a second wife. This
was further hinged on his position as
the only surviving male child of his
family. As Mr Alagbe puts it, "We were
six in my family; four of them died and
it was just me and my sister left. All my siblings who died did not have any
children and there was pressure on
me as the only surviving male to have
a child. However, I was convinced by
my faith not to do anything negative."
God never comes too late –Mother Mrs Alagbe, who started treatment in
early 2014, was confirmed pregnant
in April 2014 and the reaction of the
couple when the news first broke is
too much to sufficiently capture in
words. "I didn't believe it. It didn't have much
meaning to me. It was like I was
dreaming. However, as time went on, I
saw it becoming a reality. I just kept
thanking God because He said He will
do it according to his promise in Psalm 40. I know that this miracle is for God's
name to be glorified and for the hope
of people to be reawakened so that
they believe that God still works
miracles. God never comes too late,"
Mrs Alagbe stated. For Mr Alagbe, his reception of the
good news was almost unbelievable.
In his words, "It was like a dream. I
kept asking myself if it was true."
While echoing the joy of motherhood,
Mrs Alagbe stated that "I just praise God. I'm delighted that God kept his
word. In January 2013, there was a
prophecy in our church that God will
do it. Several people came to me and
told me to hold on to that prophecy
because it was for me. In addition to what others had been telling me, and
the support I received, especially from
my church, El-Shaddai Baptist Church,
Pastor Mrs Olateju and many people, I
am happy that God has been faithful to
His word." 'You can still help people even in your
own sorrow'
While acknowledging that going
through childlessness is no trivial task,
Mrs Alagbe advises couples in this
situation to guard their relationship with God whatever the eventual
outcome. As she points out, "Even if at
the end of the day, God doesn't do it, it
is to the advantage of the couple. I
reached that stage where I told God
that if He doesn't do it, I'm okay with His decision because He knows what is
best for me. My advice is that they
should hold on to God and ensure that
their personal relationship with God
stands. They should also do other
things to serve God because when you serve God, you are not likely to be
too sorrowful and you'll be happy to
meet the needs of others and minister
to people. Couples should not
aimlessly trust God but anchor on a
verse on the Bible and trust the eventual manifestation of God's word.
They should also help others. You can
still help people even in your own
sorrow. When you minister to the
needs of people, your burden is
lightened. The couple shouldn't become so averse to others as if
barrenness is the only problem in the
world. Afterall, God has done other
things that they can enjoy and
appreciate. Let them hold on to God."
Mr Alagbe, affirmed by friends and church members to be a friend of
children and who also teaches
children in the church, advises couples
in the situation to ensure that they are
not hostile to people, especially
children, no matter how hard it seems. Taking more wives is courting more
problems –Father
In his advice for men who are
currently undergoing the challenge of
childlessness and who, like him, had
been advised to take a second wife, Mr Alagbe encourages them to fear God,
stating that "If they go for more wives,
they are asking for more problems.
The best thing is to hold on to God and
see beyond the immediate situation.
Right from time, I knew there was a problem but I also considered what
the situation would be if I was the one
who had the problem."
The couple attempted to relive the
priceless memory of viewing the child
for the first time. For Mr Alagbe, "There was anxiety at the time of delivery. I
read Tribune newspapers a lot and I
had read something about a similar
case in which the operation was not
successful and I kept thinking about it.
But when I saw the baby, I almost cried. I was very happy."
For Mrs Alagbe, "I was just happy. I
don't know the words to use. I was
excited. I was thrilled that the baby
had come at last. I had her through
Caesarian section at Vine Branch Medical Centre and at the theatre,
when they told me 'this is your baby;
it's a perfect baby,' I wanted to scream
and say 'Wow! So this is what was in
my womb!' I lack words to explain.
Even though I was in pains, I couldn't sleep throughout that day. I was just
looking at her and I kept saying to
myself, 'So this is you I have been
waiting for. Where did you hide?' I
was really very happy."
The President, Ibadan Baptist Conference, Reverend (Dr) Yemi
Adekunle, in his prayers for the family,
prayed that their faith remains
unshaken and that God's favour will
radiate not just in the family but
through all present. For prayers, encouragement and for
witnessing the ceremony, the Pastor,
First Baptist Church, Ibafo, thanked
and prayed for God's blessings upon
all.
