committed suicide on Sunday Dec. 28th by walking in
front of a tractor trailer on a highway in Ohio. A few
hours later, her suicide note, which she posted on her
Tumblr page through scheduled publishing, went up.
In the heartbreaking suicide note, she blamed her death on her religious parents who she said refused
to acknowledge her gender and forbade her from
transitioning into a girl. Read her suicide note below... If you are reading this, it means that I have
committed suicide and obviously failed to delete
this post from my queue. Please don't be sad, it's for the better. The
life I would've lived isn't worth living in…
because I'm transgender. I could go into detail
explaining why I feel that way, but this note is
probably going to be lengthy enough as it is. To put it simply, I feel like a girl trapped in a boy's
body, and I've felt that way ever since I was 4. I
never knew there was a word for that feeling, nor
was it possible for a boy to become a girl, so I never
told anyone and I just continued to do traditionally
"boyish" things to try to fit in. When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant
and cried of happiness. After 10 years of confusion I
finally understood who I was. I immediately told my
mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling
me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a
girl, that God doesn't make mistakes, that I am wrong. If you are reading this, parents, please don't
tell this to your kids. Even if you are Christian or are
against transgender people don't ever say that to
someone, especially your kid. That won't do
anything but make them hate them self. That's
exactly what it did to me. My mom started taking me to a therapist, but would
only take me to christian therapists, (who were all
very biased) so I never actually got the therapy I
needed to cure me of my depression. I only got more
christians telling me that I was selfish and wrong and
that I should look to God for help. When I was 16 I realized that my parents would
never come around, and that I would have to wait
until I was 18 to start any sort of transitioning
treatment, which absolutely broke my heart. The
longer you wait, the harder it is to transition. I felt
hopeless, that I was just going to look like a man in drag for the rest of my life. On my 16th birthday,
when I didn't receive consent from my parents to
start transitioning, I cried myself to sleep. I formed a sort of a "f*** you" attitude towards
my parents and came out as gay at school, thinking
that maybe if I eased into coming out as trans it
would be less of a shock. Although the reaction from
my friends was positive, my parents were pissed.
They felt like I was attacking their image, and that I was an embarrassment to them. They wanted me to
be their perfect little straight christian boy, and
that's obviously not what I wanted. So they took me out of public school, took away my
laptop and phone, and forbid me of getting on any
sort of social media, completely isolating me from my
friends. This was probably the part of my life when I
was the most depressed, and I'm surprised I
didn't kill myself. I was completely alone for 5 months. No friends, no support, no love. Just my
parent's disappointment and the cruelty of
loneliness. At the end of the school year, my parents finally
came around and gave me my phone and let me
back on social media. I was excited, I finally had my
friends back. They were extremely excited to see me
and talk to me, but only at first. Eventually they
realized they didn't actually give a s**t about me, and I felt even lonelier than I did before. The only
friends I thought I had only liked me because they
saw me five times a week. After a summer of having almost no friends plus the
weight of having to think about college, save money
for moving out, keep my grades up, go to church
each week and feel like s**t because everyone there
is against everything I live for, I have decided I've
had enough. I'm never going to transition successfully, even when I move out. I'm never
going to be happy with the way I look or sound. I'm
never going to have enough friends to satisfy me.
I'm never going to have enough love to satisfy me.
I'm never going to find a man who loves me. I'm
never going to be happy. Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who wishes he were a woman or
I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates herself.
There's no winning. There's no way out. I'm sad
enough already, I don't need my life to get any
worse. People say "it gets better" but that isn't
true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse. That's the gist of it, that's why I feel like killing
myself. Sorry if that's not a good enough reason for
you, it's good enough for me. As for my will, I want
100% of the things that I legally own to be sold and
the money (plus my money in the bank) to be given
to trans civil rights movements and support groups, I don't give a s**t which one. The only way I will rest
in peace is if one day transgender people aren't
treated the way I was, they're treated like humans,
with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to
be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My
death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who
commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at
that number and say "that's f***ed up" and fix it.
Fix society. Please.
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